Lungs
by berrywarbler
Summary: Everything was falling apart, and Blaine was rapidly realizing the only person he really had was the small brunette he was sure barely had the time for him.
1. Let It All Out

Blaine wasn't sure how he ended up at Rachel's door of all places, duffel bag in hand, trying to hide the undertones of what he didn't want to talk about when she swung the door open, a soft "Blaine?" reaching out to him.

"I," he shrugged, and while she looked at him skeptically, he couldn't find the words he needed, the words that would explain just _why _he had banged on her front door at 10pm at night, taking her away from whatever she was normally doing. Her eyes flickered from his face down to his hand, watching as he shifted the bag in it awkwardly, and she seemed to know what he couldn't voice.

"Come in," she said, letting him in. He gave a small smile, the best he could do under the circumstances, standing in her hallway next to the living room where a movie had been paused.

"Sorry for just-barging in," he said, and she shook her head, her hair soft around her face.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, taking the bag out of his hand and placing it on the floor, her arms folding across her chest as she eyed him, still slightly apprehensive. He realized she was probably uncomfortable, only wearing a pair of shorts and a teeshirt that was undoubtedly Finn's, and he felt guilty again.

"No," he said, and while he had meant to lie, the word came out before he could stop it. Then again, he doubted she would have believed him anyways.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, biting her lip. He watched her for a moment, wondering once more why he was there instead of at Kurt's, but he felt this was something Kurt-and more importantly, Finn and Burt-wouldn't handle well. Rachel would focus on Blaine, and Blaine's feelings, instead of threatening to do anything stupid.

"I don't know," he shrugged, feeling helpless.

She just nodded, didn't pressure him at all. "Well, here, you can stay in the guest room if you'd like, I'm sure my dad's won't mind-after all, it's not like you're Finn," she let out a small chuckle, but even to Blaine it sounded hollow as she led him up the stairs, opening a door across from what was obviously her bedroom, the yellow walls looking so cheerful and enticing. "I don't know what's going on," she said as she placed his bag on the bed, letting him take a moment to glance around the room, "but I'm sure you can stay here as long as you need. I'm sure-it must have been something bad if you came here." Blaine didn't say anything, just nodding, fighting back the sudden rush of tears that started prickling his tears. "I'll leave you be," she said, walking over and giving him a small hug, wrapping herself around him quickly before she was gone again, disappearing back down the hall, leaving him to collect himself before he could explain to her exactly why he was there.

As he watched her walk away, he knew this was another reason he had come to her over Kurt. She wouldn't bother him until he was ready.

Even if it meant she had to wait.

* * *

><p>He didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up the next morning he knew it was later than normal and panic set in as he realized he was late for school, sitting up and almost falling off the unfamiliar bed in panic. It took him another minute before he realized he wasn't at home, <em>can't go home<em> reverberating through his brain, before Rachel knocked softly on the door and stuck her head, the reminder causing him to calm down a bit.

"Hi," she said, a small smile on her face as she walked in quietly, handing him a cup of coffee. He took it, appreciative, before glancing at the clock.

"It's 11 in the morning?" he asked, his eyes wide as he turned back to her.

"I figured you probably needed a personal day, and you looked so cute sleeping that I couldn't wake you," she shrugged, a slight blush crawling over her cheeks. In normal circumstances, he'd chuckle about it, maybe trace the skin that was a light red, watch as it traveled over her even more, but he couldn't bring himself to even begin to think about flirting with Rachel.

"Thanks," he responded instead, sipping the coffee.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" she asked, sliding back on the bed and tucking her legs underneath herself. He chewed the inside of his cheeks, something he hadn't done since he was a kid, and shrugged. He knew he owed her an explanation, but verbalizing it-verbalizing what had happened made it _real_, made it so much worse. "If you're not, it's okay," she said after a minute, sensing his hesitation. "You look a little dishelveled. If you need to take a shower or change or anything, my bathroom is free-my dads are kind of uptight about people using theirs, but-"

"Thanks," he said, smiling genuinely at her offer as she rambled. "I think maybe I'll take you up on that. Clear my head a little."

"Okay," she nodded, her brown eyes staring intently at him. If it had been anyone else, the gaze would have been weird, but he knew she was just watching to make sure he was okay, seeing how she could fix it, figuring out what she could do.

"Then I'll explain why I just crashed in on you," he promised, locking his eye line with hers, and she nodded, standing up and heading towards the door once more.

"I'll be downstairs," she assured him, and he nodded, picking his bag up off the floor to rummage for a fresh outfit.

* * *

><p>When he joined her downstairs, she was singing along to an old Britney Spears album, her voice beautiful even when she was distracted. It wasn't until he sat down at the island table that he realized she was cooking breakfast, for <em>him<em>. His heart swelled with the overwhelming feeling of love, feeling completely caught off guard.

"I made you some food," she said, sliding a few pieces of bacon onto a plate for him. When he raised an eyebrow, she smirked. "Finn eats over here sometimes, and despite that I prefer not to have meat in the house, he pleaded until we broke down and had 'normal breakfast foods'."

"The vegan waffles aren't doing it for him?" Blaine chuckled as she passed the plate, piled high with eggs and toast and bacon, towards him.

"Surprisingly not," she smiled in return, pouring him another cup of coffee. He watched her while he ate, letting his mind wander to a place he tried not to let it go-a place where things could be normal for him, where he and Rachel had a chance at being something, where she did these sort of things all the time, and not just because he was a friend who was in trouble. Because he was hers.

But that wasn't the case, and he shook his thoughts out of his head quickly as she shut the radio off, climbing into the bar stool next to him and looking at him expectantly. He realized his promise, and nodded, swallowing his piece of toast practically whole. The food filled him up, the shower had sobered him up, and he was just hoping that it all would make things seem more distant than it had the night before. He knew even before he started talking that that was as far from the truth as possible.

"My parents kicked me out," he said quietly, and she nodded.

"I had surmised as much," she said quietly, her hand falling to his knee. His first instinct was to jerk it away, to shield himself as he explained what happened, but he did feel a little more comforted with her there, like her hand was weighing him down.

"They knew I was gay," Blaine finally elaborated after a few more bites of egg. "They never mentioned it, not to me anyways-I'd hear them, fighting about it, talking about how it was wrong, how the right girl would come along and make me _normal_ again. But then they found out about Kurt, and-" Blaine choked back air, feeling queasy as he pushed his plate of unfinished food away.

"It was real to them," Rachel supplied, and he nodded.

"My dad was mean, loud and harsh and saying all the things I'd hear him say when he thought I wasn't around, when he thought I wasn't listening. It wasn't anything new, really. But my mom, I always thought maybe she was on my side," he said, closing his eyes and laying his head on the cold surface of the counter top, Rachel's hand moving to rub his back comfortingly now. "I thought when it came down to it, she loved me enough to look past the fact that I like guys."

"I'm sure she-"

"She doesn't. _Told _me she doesn't," He said, his voice breaking as the tears welled up again.

"Blaine," Rachel's voice reached him, almost through a tunnel as he shook his head of the tears, begging them not to fall again. He was sure Rachel was crying, crying for _him_, which only made it worse.

"I can't go back there," he finally said after he had managed to gulp down enough air to still his nerves. "They told me I can't go back. That they never want to see me again." He felt himself being turned, felt Rachel's arms wrapping around him tightly as she held him, and he couldn't stop it anymore, crying onto her shoulder and feeling completely broken down in a way that he hadn't in years.

"We'll figure it out," she promised, rocking him slightly, kissing the side of his face, wiping away a few tears. "We'll figure everything out."


	2. Look After You

Blaine felt like they stayed like that forever, Rachel whispering comforting things while she rocked him gently, Blaine letting out all the tears he didn't even realize he had been building up for what must have been years. By the time he had calmed down, her shoulder was soaked, not that she seemed too upset about the fact. "Sorry," he said apologetically, and she gave him a small smile.

"It happens to the best of us," she answered, her voice sincere in its sorrow for him. "Although, I have to admit standing for this long is slightly uncomfortable," she tried joking, and he let out a watery chuckle for her benefit before letting go of where his arms were wrapped tightly around her, something he hadn't even remembered doing.

"Sorry again," he said, and she just nodded, her fingers gently running through his hair in an act of solace.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but Kurt called me earlier to see if I've heard from you-"

"What did you say?" he asked, automatically on edge, becoming even more stressed when he saw her go rigid at his alarmed tone.

"I told him the truth," she responded. He didn't say anything, his brain too busy trying to figure out exactly how Kurt would react to whatever Rachel's version of the truth would be, and she continued talking. "You showed up here last night, you were upset, and I'm sure that you'll talk to him soon. Until then I think it's best if he doesn't show up."

Blaine looked at her now, his eyes wide. "How did he take that?"

"Not well," she admitted, chewing on her lip. "He said-well, he said some things that I'm sure aren't true, and then he snapped that he had to go to class so he'd talk to me later."

"So he's pissed," Blaine nodded, letting that information sink in on top of everything else. "Well, I didn't really expect any other reaction."

"It'd probably have been pretty naïve to think he'd be okay with you coming here instead of to him," Rachel concurred, sliding back into the other bar stool next to him. "I'm sure he'll come around once you explain everything though." Blaine let out a hollow laugh, pushing the now cold food around on the plate in front of him.

"Kurt's not you Rach," he reminded her. "You two may be eerily similar in a lot of ways, but you're-well, you're a lot nicer than he is." He could see out of the corner of his eye that she was blushing, but talking about Kurt was a good distraction from everything he had just unloaded on her. "Not that he isn't _nice_, at least, to the people he loves. But Kurt-Kurt can hold a grudge. And whether he takes it out on you or I, one of us is going to be under the wrath of Hummel until he feels he's not mad anymore."

"He won't stay mad at you if you tell him what's going on," she promised, picking up his plate and carrying it over to the sink.

"I just don't think I can tell him yet," Blaine finally said as she washed the dishes, his mind now back to everything that had happened, and he wasn't sure she had even heard him at first.

"You can tell him whenever you're ready," she finally spoke, turning off the water at the sink and shooting him a smile. He felt grateful for her presence, for her optimism, and for a second he let himself believe her words, that maybe she really could make everything okay again.

* * *

><p>After Rachel changed out of her tear stained shirt, the two settled in on the couch, Rachel offering to forgo making him watch every movie Barbra was ever in and letting him choose what they watched. He debated between forcing her to watch Lord of the Rings, but after she crinkled her nose in disgust he suggested they throw in a season of Friends instead, to which she agreed.<p>

"You know," she said, helping herself to some popcorn from the shared bowl in his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. They were already almost to the end of the second disc of the first season, and Blaine was glad he had chosen the comedy to distract from everything. "I was named after that Rachel."

"Really?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. He didn't really see her as Jennifer Aniston's character at all, though he supposed it was hard to name a baby after a fictional character.

"The show was brand new, probably only around these episodes when I was born, but my dads were already obsessed," she elaborated after a couple minutes.

"Imagine if their favorite character was Chandler," Blaine joked, and she let out a small laugh, making him smile as his arm found its way around her, letting her snuggle in a little closer.

"I'm just glad they didn't become addicted to some horrible little show that never even took off."

"At least when you've achieved your Broadway fame, it'll be a nice little anecdote all your fans can muse over," Blaine agreed, and he could feel her smile even without looking down to see it.

"Rachel?" a voice called from the front hall, and Rachel darted off the couch, shooting a small glance at Blaine before disappearing, Blaine feeling strangely uncomfortable without her by his side as the show continued on in front of him.

He heard her greet what he assumed was one of her fathers, though he had never actually met them. He once more felt bad for intruding in on their home, for taking advantage of a friend because he couldn't bring himself to talk to his boyfriend-Burt and Carole would take him in, though he was sure Burt wouldn't be completely comfortable with the idea of his son sleeping in the same house as his boyfriend, which was part of the determining factor in Blaine's decision to come to the Berry's.

He kept the TV on as he heard low mumblings from the hallway, feeling self-conscious as he realized she was undoubtedly filling in the details of why she wasn't in Glee and why Kurt's boyfriend was sitting on their living room couch. A few minutes later Rachel reappeared, and he tried to compose himself before she noticed anything was off, but clearly he didn't do so in enough time.

"It's fine Blaine, I told you they'd understand," she said, sitting next to him once more.

"I just don't want to be an imposition-"

"Blaine, they understand," Rachel said, her voice more firm now as she took his hand, and he shot her a wary glance. "Look, I'm sure that somewhere in your brain, you went over the basic facts of why you came here over Kurt's. And I'm also sure the fact that I have two gay dads came into play. It's not like they haven't each gone through this on their own. Why do you think I never visit family, or hear from grandparents?"

"I never really thought too much into it," Blaine answered honestly, shrugging as he tried to comprehend what she was saying.

"They'll want to talk to you, more than likely alone-" he tensed, and she squeezed his hand in comfort, "but I promise, they're on your side, and all three of us are here for whatever you need. Support, a place to stay, a calm and level head to listen to or to try and talk to your parents. Whatever. Just, don't feel like you're some huge problem in our house. You're not."

"Are you sure?" he asked, the guilt still swirling around in a pit of his stomach.

"I swear," she nodded. "Now, tell me what I missed while I was gone," she demanded, curling back into his side and covering them with a blanket as she focused on the TV, Blaine trying to do the same.

* * *

><p>Rachel had been correct on both accounts-her dads were fine with Blaine staying there, but they also wanted to have a private conversation. She had disappeared up the stairs to her room, claiming she had homework to make up from their day off, while Blaine sat and explained everything that had happened. It was worse telling it a second time without Rachel there to remind him it was okay, but he couldn't just come into their home and not give a reason for it.<p>

They had been kind, and Blaine was grateful when they offered to let him stay as long as he needed. "And if you need us to talk to your parents, or anything at all, just let us know," one of the Mr. Berry's had offered, but Blaine just shook his head.

"I just don't think it'd go over too well," he said quietly, and they nodded, understanding and empathetic.

"Well, for the time being," the other had said-and Blaine was going to have to figure out which was which if he was practically moving into their home now, "welcome to the Berry household. We do love houseguests," he promised, ruffling Blaine's hair as the first gathered him in a hug. This was something entirely different and new to him, parents that were affectionate. Burt and Carole had taken him in as best they could, but Burt wasn't exactly the touchy-feely type.

He lay in the guest bedroom later that night, tossing and turning in the unfamiliar room. It was a nicely decorated room, but it was almost _too _neat, _too _organized, and it felt stifling. He knew he had to sleep, even if the next day was a Saturday, there was too much to do. Rachel had mentioned having ballet, and Blaine was going to try and talk to Kurt-hopefully. He planned to at least, though he would really rather put that off as long as possible.

He flipped sides again, holding a pillow tight to him as he tried to lull himself to sleep, counting sheep, singing softly, nothing was working. He sat up, glaring at the clock that read almost two in the morning, and got out of the bed, walking almost silently across the room and creaking open the door.

Rachel's light was off, her door closed, but he had hope that maybe she was lying awake too, tossing and turning as much as he was. He could have texted her, seen if she responded, but his phone was across the room and now it seemed like an easier decision just to walk across the hallway. He opened her door quietly, slipping in and shutting it behind him before whispering her name.

"Rachel?" he called out, finding his way through the darkness towards her bed, sitting on the edge of it. She was sound asleep, looking completely peaceful, and he sighed heavily. Now he had no excuse to be awake, and he felt like kind of a creep for lurking on her in her sleep. "Rachel?" he said again, even quitter than the last time in a desperate chance that maybe she'd wake up and offer to talk, though he didn't really want to talk, he just wanted to be around someone. Just wanted to be around her, really.

She kind of mumbled, her words indistinguishable, but she was moving over on the bed, and it took him a minute to realize she had made room for him. He hesitated-it wasn't like it would be anything sexual, with both of them having boyfriends they cared about-before climbing in beside her, her body shifting closer to his once he settled in under the covers, throwing a leg over his waist as if to secure him from leaving her side. She mumbled again, though Blaine still didn't understand her and wondered briefly if maybe she talked in her sleep-it wouldn't have surprised him-before she pressed a small kiss to his shoulder. The action shook him for a second, startling him more than it probably should have, but then she stopped moving, clearly back into a deeper sleep once more, and he closed his eyes waiting for sleep to come to _him_.

It was mere minutes before he, too, fell asleep, feeling a lot more content now that Rachel was next to him again.


	3. Smoke and Mirrors

When Blaine awoke the next day, Rachel was already gone, the already bright room flooded with sunlight from the window. With a quick check at the clock, he realized he had slept most of the day again. He sighed, crawling out of Rachel's unbelievably comfortable bed, and headed towards the guest room across the room-or, what the Mr. Berry's had said could be _his _room, as long as he needed it. He had plans for the day, big plans, scary plans-which involved coming out of hiding and telling his boyfriend what happened.

Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to curl back in Rachel's bed and wait for her to come back.

* * *

><p>He was sitting in her kitchen when she did come back, staring at his phone and willing himself to text Kurt, or more appropriately answer the what felt like billions of texts Kurt had sent him.<p>

"Hi," she said quietly as she went to the fridge, pulling out a water and handing him one. "Have you done anything today?"

"No," he admitted, twisting off the top of the water. "I was trying to psych myself up into seeing Kurt, but…" he trailed off, and she nodded, standing across the counter from him. She was still in her dancing outfit, hair disheveled in its messy bun.

"Well, why don't you let me shower and then we can resume our _Friends_ marathon?" she offered, and he raised an eyebrow, looking at the clock. It was nearly five in the afternoon, he was sure she had to get ready for a date with Finn or something.

"What about Finn?" he asked her when she gave him a confused look.

"What about him?"

"Well, it's Saturday. Don't you guys normally go out on Saturday nights?" Blaine elaborated, and she smirked a little.

"Normally, yes, but I already told him I thought you might need me to stick around more than he needed to- to see me," she covered up, though Blaine had a suspicion that wasn't the original wording she had wanted to use.

"And he took that okay?" Blaine asked, and the crinkle in her brow answered the question for him.

"He wasn't pleased," she admitted. "But I told him that he would manage to survive one Saturday night without me. And if he can't, we have bigger problems." Blaine nodded in response, unsure of how to take that. He had only known Rachel for about a year, but most of that time had been spent chasing Finn and then finding a way to secure her spot as his girlfriend. Hearing her talk so cavalier about their relationship was almost unsettling. "Now, I'm going to go shower. Put the next disc in and I'll be down shortly."

* * *

><p>"Are you quoting this episode?" Blaine asked incredulously, watching as Rachel mouthed the words Ross was saying on the screen in front of them.<p>

"It's a sweet moment," Rachel blushed. "Rachel can't decide if she should take that risk with Ross, and even though she's on a date with someone else, she can't get him off her mind. Besides, it's obvious to even her that Ross is far better than some stupid investment banker." Blaine just nodded, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable at her words. He knew she didn't mean anything deeper than the fictional characters on the television, but he was startled to think that maybe she _could_. After all, the very same thing could have been applied to them-if it wasn't for the fact that he was very much gay.

He was quiet for the rest of the episode, even as Rachel sung along quietly to the Madonna song that played as the TV Rachel waited for her Ross at the airport, chuckling a little at the emotion covering her face as the end credits started rolling. "Ready for season two?" he asked, and she nodded, standing up and stretching a little before moving across the room. He watched her, his eyes drawn to her as she switched out the DVD, the way she held a hand on her hip as she waited for it to load on the screen, not satisfied until the title screen was playing before she crawled back onto the couch, back into her position where she was practically thrown across him, curled up as close as could be under a blanket. He never asked why she didn't turn up the heat, feeling more comforted with her that close.

It was like she was weighing him down into reality, without being borderline constricting like Kurt could be.

But thinking about Kurt just reminded him of what he hadn't done for the third day in a row, and so he focused instead of the floral scent of her shampoo and the way she felt against his side, his hand resting on her hip and holding her as tight as possible to him as they started another episode.

* * *

><p>"Are you actually going to stay in your own bed tonight Anderson?" Rachel chuckled out of nowhere at the foot of his bed where she was reading a magazine much later that night, stretched out as he tried to figure out the English homework she had picked up from the school for him.<p>

He blushed slightly, chewing on the tip of his pencil. "I would assume so," he answered, though to be honest he had no idea. The idea of spending his night, alone with his thoughts in the blank whiteness of the spare bedroom, seemed almost terrifying.

"Well, it's not that I mind-you at least aren't a bed hog like Finn or a squirmer like Kurt-but if you could at least let me know so I don't have a mini heart attack when I awake at four in the morning next time," she joked, flipping a page in her magazine. Her hair was hanging off the edge of the bed, and he twisted his pencil in it before trying to focus on the assignment in front of him once more.

"Rachel?" one of her dads called from down the hall before poking his head into the bedroom, and Blaine cursed himself for still not knowing which was which. "We just wanted to say goodnight."

"Night daddy," she replied, turning her head to blow him a kiss.

"Night to you too Blaine," her father said after blowing his daughter a kiss back, and Blaine smiled, hoping it portrayed all the thanks he felt. He was sure it didn't.

Rachel was silent until they heard the door down the hall click closed, flipping through her magazine before tossing it to the side, turning over so she lay on her stomach and looking down at him. "What assignment is that?" she asked, and when he answered with sigh about _The Grapes of Wrath _her eyes practically lit up. "I aced that section. Do you want my help?"

"Sure," he said, and before he could move up to the bed with her she had moved to the floor, picking up the list of questions he was supposed to be writing on.

"Now," she started, and he could already tell this was going to be a long night-Rachel was nothing if not a perfectionist.

* * *

><p>When he woke up the next morning, he was pleased to see Rachel was curled up on her side next to him, though they had spent the night in the spare room instead of her own. Sheets of paper were strewn about on the floor, the Steinbeck novel still open to where she was grabbing a quote off hand for his essay before they had given up the night before. He looked over at where she was sleeping quietly, her back to him, before sliding out of the bed and heading for her bathroom, hoping to shower and dress quickly before she woke up, before he could lose the strength he thought he might have had to do what he could no longer put off.<p>

"What are your plans for the day?" Rachel asked an hour later while she made herself a fruit and non-dairy yogurt breakfast, Blaine helping himself to some cereal.

"I have plans to meet up with Kurt," he told her, the nerves he was feeling quelled a little as she placed a soft hand on top of one of his.

"That's a good thing, right?" she questioned, and he nodded, not sure if he was trying to convince her or himself more.

"Just wish you could be there," he half-joked, and while she let out a small chuckle, she didn't say anything in response. He knew she couldn't, knew Kurt was going to be pissed enough as it was that he had told Rachel before he told him, but that didn't change that it might have been easier with her on his side. Even if Kurt was the one he wanted to be with, Rachel could be a lot more compassionate, even if no one else seemed to notice it.

"Well, I have a busy day of going to the job fair with Finn before helping him with his college applications," she said, a heavy sigh escaping from her lips, "and I think I might honestly prefer dealing with Kurt and you instead."

"Sounds like we're both dreading today," Blaine said sadly. She just nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>Kurt looked tense as Blaine approached him, Finn flying past him and into Rachel's car with a quick wave at the other two. "So you finally decided to come talk to <em>me<em>?" Kurt snapped, walking back into his house without even technically inviting Blaine in, though he followed and shut the door quietly behind him. It seemed quiet inside, and he assumed Burt and Carole were off doing something around town as he walked into the kitchen where Kurt was mixing something in a bowl.

"Kurt, it's been-"

"Complicated, according to Ms. Rachel Berry, who you seem to turn to before your own boyfriend," Kurt finished for him.

"My parents kicked me out," Blaine said flatly, not having the energy to try and out wait Kurt's bitch fit. Kurt was silent for a minute, his motions paused as his eyes flickered over to Blaine, almost an internal war fighting beneath their blue surface. Blaine wondered briefly what would win, sympathy for his situation or anger that he had chosen Rachel over him.

"And you went to Rachel?" Kurt finally decided on, though his voice didn't have quite the harshness that it had previously contained. Blaine sighed, not really sure why he was surprised that Kurt was stuck on the Rachel aspect of everything.

"Yes," he answered.

"Why?"

Blaine fought with himself on what answer to go with, hoping that most of the truth would suffice. "It was late at night. Rachel has two gay dad's, who know I'm not going to try and sleep with their child, and I thought it was a better option at the time. I didn't want to worry you, and Finn, and Carole, and your dad. I knew at Rachel's, she'd be the only one around, and she'd let me tell her when I needed to. If I showed up here at 11pm at night, your dad would assume I was here to fool around."

"And why didn't you come to me the next day? Or the day after that?" Kurt asked, seemingly placated by the reason for at least the first night.

"I slept most of both days," Blaine shrugged. "I was too exhausted, I needed to make sure the Berry's were okay with me crashing for awhile. I needed to make sure I was somewhere safe before I turned to anyone else."

"You would have been safe here," Kurt interjected, now pouring what Blaine could see was brownie batter into a pan.

"I would have," Blaine agreed. "But I don't think Burt would have been pleased with having his sons boyfriend living in the same house. And your dad doesn't need that added stress." Kurt pursed his lips, clearly not able to come up with a defense against that. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner-I've just been, I don't know, emotionally drained."

"Well," Kurt finally sighed, placing the pan into the oven and coming over to take Blaine's hand. "If you want to talk about it, you can," but Blaine shook his head-he didn't really want to talk about it, to hear Kurt's snippy comments and judge-y faces, "but if not, I think I can distract you in a way that Rachel Berry can't." His grin was all too familiar to Blaine, who grinned back, allowing his boyfriend to lead him up the stairs to his bedroom, keeping to himself that Rachel had served as a pretty good distracted in her own way.


	4. Pick Up Off The Floor

School was harder than Blaine was expecting. Once Finn found out what had happened, Puck was soon to follow, and of course Kurt had told Mercedes since Rachel already knew, and eventually it seemed like everyone knew exactly what had happened.

Of course, the only one who _did _know exactly what happened was Rachel, because Kurt didn't ask any more questions about it and Blaine didn't feel like offering any further explanation. Instead Kurt tried to distract Blaine the best way he knew how-sex.

Which meant that Monday, he was no better prepared for how to handle the onslaught of sympathy and pity than he had been on Friday when Rachel had been kind enough to let him skip.

He thought that maybe Rachel would stick to his side more, make sure he was okay and pop up sporadically throughout the day. But he barely saw her, apart from lunch and even then Kurt was back to distracting him. When he did see her, Finn was always on her side. Not that this was strange or unusual, Blaine suspected he just hadn't really noticed before. Aside from the fall musical, the two hadn't spent much time one on one before, not after their disastrous date the previous spring. He thought maybe it was weird that they didn't spend more time together, given that Kurt was her best friend and his boyfriend, but then he remembered the look on Kurt's face when Blaine admitted to going to Rachel's first.

The two might have gotten over a lot of obstacles and become friends, but Kurt was always going to feel insecure next to Rachel, always going to think she was going to steal everything that was his. He might not vocalize it, and he might have told Mercedes off for saying the things that he thought, but Blaine knew it was one of Kurt's worst fears, having Rachel decide she wanted something more than she wanted their friendship. But still, it confused Blaine how Kurt could claim to be her best friend and still think that. How he could think that she hadn't grown from what Blaine heard she used to be. It confused Blaine about a lot of the hate against Rachel, but he had long ago stopped trying to understand why anyone in the Glee club thought the way they did. It was safer to just fly under the radar.

"Hi," she finally said to him, plopping down on the chair next to him in Glee, Finn crashing down onto his next to her before starting a conversation about some movie with Mike on the other side of him.

"Hi," he replied, smiling at her and fighting the urge to reach out and hug her. He didn't know where it came from, or why he was suddenly so overtaken with the feeling that he just had to _touch _her in some way, but he quickly busied his hands with flipping through a school book, trying not to focus on the gap of space between them and how he just wanted to close it, to feel her next to him again.

"So, I know that today's probably been a long day already," she started, and Blaine nodded, training his eyes to look at the book and not her face. "But I think that Kurt is going to drag us all out to Breadsticks later."

"When did he come up with that idea?" Blaine asked hesitantly, wondering why Kurt thought Blaine would want to be out in public more than he had to. He had a hard enough time getting over to the Hudmel house the previous afternoon, an even harder time going to school that morning. He wanted nothing more than to curl up with Rachel and watch more of their Friends marathon, but he didn't think Kurt would be too happy if he voiced that opinion.

"He said something to me about it after our last class," Rachel said, "and I said I wasn't sure if I was up for it, but Finn really wants to go, so I think…"

"Finn really wants to go where?" Finn interrupted, and Blaine looked up to see Finn now turned in his seat, his arm casually slung over the back of Rachel's chair.

"To Breadstix," Rachel explained, turning to smile at him.

"Oh," Finn replied, turning back to Mike to finish his conversation and leaving Rachel and Blaine back to theirs.

"If you don't want to go, I'm sure Kurt will understand," Rachel said, her voice quiet as she placed a hand on his wrist. He looked into her eyes, feeling more comfort and safer than he had all day, almost like the horrible things he had spent all day thinking about just disappeared, and let out a sigh. He figured even if Blaine and Kurt didn't go, Rachel and Finn would, and this way he'd at least have a reason to be around Rachel.

"No, Breadstix sounds good," Blaine promised. She offered a small smile, squeezing his arm gently before releasing him and turning back to Finn, trying to drag him into some conversation, Blaine left to himself once more.

* * *

><p>Blaine was antsy, jumpy almost, as they sat down in their booth, Rachel going on and on about a new musical she had heard about opening on Broadway. "I know it's still like, 8 months away," she was saying, "but we are going to be moving there Kurt, and I think we should get tickets to go one night."<p>

"As long as you hold to the promise that we'll see Wicked before we see anything else," Kurt reminded her, Finn waving down the waitress for breadsticks.

"Of course," she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she pursued her menu. Blaine wasn't really sure why she was bothering, there were very few vegan meal options and they were all constantly at the restaurant. It was practically the only place you _could _go in Lima, aside from the coffee shop.

"These things are fucking delicious," Finn said around a mouthful of bread, Kurt rolling his eyes as he played with the wrapper of his straw, folding and unfolding it into a small accordion.

"Chew with your mouth closed sweetie," Rachel replied distractedly, placing her small hand on his arm, the act seemingly intimate now that it was directed towards someone else. Blaine wanted to know if this was how others felt when they saw the act done towards him, if it seemed as intrusive to watch or if maybe because Blaine and her were just friends they didn't even think about it.

He spent most of their meal together thinking things like this, wondering if there was a difference in how she acted with Finn over how she acted with Blaine. He knew there was one massive difference of course-most of the time she spent with Blaine was hidden away, at her house with no prying eyes. Finn she was free to touch and smile and lean on in public, but if she had dared to do that with Blaine while Kurt was around-Kurt might actually have her head on a silver platter.

But it seemed like Kurt didn't even particularly notice Blaine's existence anyways. Blaine had tried holding his hand as they walked out of the restaurant, but Kurt just linked arms instead, and Blaine tried to ignore the slight rejection as they headed towards Kurt's car, Rachel and Finn stopping off at the grocery store to pick up snacks and some movies for the foursome to watch in the comfort of Rachel's-and now Blaine's too, he realized once more-home.

"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked quietly when they got into the car, buckling his seatbelt as Kurt adjusted the volume on the soundtrack he had blasting before they arrived.

"I'm fine," Kurt replied dryly. "Just tired." Blaine nodded, tucking the 'I know the feeling' back into his mouth before it could roll out and potentially cause a fight. They were silent on the drive over, Kurt not even singing along, and Blaine rested his head on the window, watching the streets pass. It wasn't like this was an out-of-the-ordinary night for the couple, Breadstix and a movie. But he sensed Kurt was still hurting over Blaine's choice of Rachel over him, even if Blaine hadn't meant for it to be like that.

"Maybe I'll just go home," Kurt said when they pulled up into Rachel's driveway, and Blaine looked over at him in surprise.

"But they were supposed to be renting the new-"

"I know," Kurt cut him off, waving his hand impatiently. "But I have a headache, and I need to start studying for my AP French exam, and I just won't really be good company."

"Kurt, talk to me," Blaine tried quietly, knowing his excuses weren't the real reason he didn't want to stay.

"Why don't you talk to me?" Kurt snapped, turning towards Blaine.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Just, go, I'll talk to you tomorrow," he covered, shaking his head. Blaine hesitated, but ultimately decided the last thing he needed was a giant row in front of the Berry's house, so with a quick kiss he got out of the car, heading inside.

When Rachel got home a little while later, he pretended to be asleep on his bed so she'd leave him be and spend time with Finn, though he knew he didn't really fool her. He wasn't even sure why he wanted to in the first place.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week dragged on much the same, with Kurt being short or silent, ignoring Blaine's questioning when he tried to get him to open up. He tried to distance himself from Rachel, to prove to Kurt that she was nothing more than a friend, but Kurt didn't seem to care.<p>

Rachel, for her part, seemed to understand what was going on. He apologized for acting so distant at school one night, when they were once more curled up in the living room watching TV, but she just waved it away.

"I know that Kurt is very important to you," she promised. "And I know he has some…problems, I suppose, with our friendship. He'll come around."

And that was all she mentioned of it.

By Friday, Blaine was positive he had gone through the absolute longest week of his life. He was tired, and drained, and when he got back to the Berry's house (which, as much as the fathers Berry kept telling him, he still couldn't seem to refer to as his own yet) he immediately fell asleep, curled up in Rachel's bed as he did more often than not.

He was awoken with a loud yell, nearly falling to the floor as his body shot up in surprise. "What the fuck are you doing?" Kurt screamed, and Blaine fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"I was napping," he mumbled, getting off the bed and crossing the hall to the room he was still trying to get used to.

"In Rachel's bed?" Kurt accused, following him in.

"It wasn't like Rachel was there," Blaine countered. "And even if she had been, I was _asleep_."

"How often do you sleep in Ms. Princess Berry's bed?" Kurt asked, his tone harsh, and Blaine shrugged. He had fallen asleep next to Rachel most nights this week, though whether they were in her bed or his didn't seem to matter. "This is fucking ridiculous," Kurt snapped, pacing around the room.

"Kurt, we're just friends, for the last fucking time," Blaine said, trying to keep cool but nearing his own level of exploding.

"Just friends who happen to sleep together?"

"You say that like _you've _never spent the night with Rachel," Blaine argued, though Kurt's withering glare said that his point wasn't as well made as he had thought.

"Why are you even sleeping in her bed in the middle of the afternoon?" Kurt asked, stopping now with his arms across his chest as he stared Blaine down.

"I was tired. I'm more-her bed is more comfortable. I was only going to nap for like an hour, but I must have forgotten to set my phone," Blaine explained warily. "It's not like you caught me jerking off to a photo album of her pictures, why are you so mad about this?"

"Because, Blaine, you were asleep in her _bed_. And regardless if I've slept in it as well, I never questioned my sexuality for her."

"That was one time!" Blaine defended, though he knew the excuse was hollow. He knew that if Kurt knew him half as well as Blaine knew Kurt, he'd see straight through the lie he was telling both of them.

"I don't like it. I don't like you staying here with her," Kurt finally settled on, and while he wasn't yelling anymore, his voice was still hard and angry.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go, Rachel was being a good _friend_," he emphasized the word, drawing it out and ignoring Kurt's eye roll, "by taking me in. I told you, I couldn't very well go to your house."

"You didn't have to come here either," snapped Kurt, and Blaine felt like a dam burst in his head, the thoughts he had kept all week spewing out.

"Why are you so caught up in the Rachel part of all this?" he accused. "Did you know that you've barely asked me how I am? How I'm _handling _anything? I would have thought, that as someone who lost a parent-really lost them, you'd understand what it feels like to realize you don't have that person in your life anymore. But you don't, at all, because you still have your dad, and you have Carole, and you guys have your perfect little family now. You don't know what it's like for your dad to look you in the eye and say 'I don't have a son', or for your mom to turn her face away while you plead for her to step up and make it stop. Not once did you ask for details, or just _hug _me and tell me it'll all be okay. You haven't done that at all. And you know what Kurt? If it was you going through this, you know I would be there for you every second of the way."

"And your saying Rachel has been?" Kurt asked, tears welling up in his eyes. Blaine was torn between wanting to make them disappear, feeling horrible for making Kurt cry, and crying himself as the words fell out.

"Yes, she has," Blaine replied, more honest than he thought he should be.

Kurt didn't say another word, storming all the way downstairs and slamming the front door shut behind him as Blaine collapsed on the bed behind him, curling in on himself.


	5. Not Falling Apart

Blaine spent the rest of the night alone in his room, staring at his phone. He wasn't waiting for Kurt to call, or even text, because he knew he wasn't going to. But it had been over a week now, and he thought that maybe one of his parents would have tried to contact him. They hadn't shut off his phone, which he thought meant that maybe they would-but maybe they just couldn't be bothered. The thought made him feel more hollow than anything else.

He dialed the number that had been his own for the past 16 years, the one he had to memorize in kindergarten in case of emergencies, but he couldn't make himself his 'send'. He typed out a long email to his father, telling him that it shouldn't _matter _who Blaine loved and was attracted to, because he was his _son _and shouldn't that be enough? But eventually that got erased and deleted too.

He had been hoping that all week maybe his mom would come in, tell him she changed her mind, that she missed him too much to let a silly thing like this tear their family apart. He had heard about Quinn and her parents during her pregnancy, how her mother had come through in the end. But he didn't hear anything, from any of his family.

It looked like he was really cut off from them, for good.

He heard Rachel come in sometime around midnight, slipping into her room without checking on Blaine, and he wasn't sure why that seemed to sting more than the thoughts of his parents. Perhaps he was getting used to the neglect from his parents, he mused, whereas Rachel had been around him almost constantly-at least, when they were at the house. He stood and walked over to his door, hovering around it as he debated running into her room, telling her about his fight with Kurt, asking her all the questions he had whirled around his mind-but then her light flicked off, and he lost all the nerve he had to go talk to her. "Stupid," he muttered, glancing at his phone where it lit up. When he saw it was just a text message from Kurt, he dropped it on the floor, kicking it across the room in anger and annoyance.

He lay back down on the bed, legs hanging off the edge as he stared at the ceiling, mind racing as he tried to remind himself that Rachel _wasn't _neglecting him, she probably just thought he was asleep. His light was off afterall. As his thoughts trailed back to his parents, he curled up on his side, willing everything to go back to normal, back to how it was.

Even living with them and knowing how they disapproved was better than having them pretend they didn't even have a son anymore.

* * *

><p>"Today we're going shopping," Rachel announced, flopping herself next to Blaine on the bed without so much as a 'good morning' or a 'wake up'. He groaned, rolling away from her, his back killing him as he realized he fell asleep half off the bed and still in his jeans.<p>

"Sleep," he murmured, trying to hide himself under a pillow. "We're going to sleep today."

"No, I let you sleep until noon. Now, if you're going to stay here, daddy said you can't possibly stay in such a drab room, it'll drive a person mad." Blaine groaned, trying to hide himself deeper in the pile of pillows, but she just sat there, and it was like he could feel her eyes boring into the back of his neck.

"How long do I have to get ready?" he finally asked, giving up any attempt at sleeping some more.

"Thirty minutes!" she said, her _voice _smiling before he felt her leave the bed and leave him to get ready.

* * *

><p>"Rachel, I really didn't need all this stuff," Blaine frowned as he looked at all of the things she was now unpacking for him.<p>

"Of course you did," she argued, taking the old sheets off the bed and placing the new red ones they had bought that afternoon on. "It looks like you're going to be here for awhile. That takes away 'guest' status. Which means you'd need some of your own stuff, so you can start feeling more comfortable and stop walking around on eggshells around here."

"I haven't been-"

"Yes, you have," Rachel interrupted, sitting down on the now made bed and pulling him with her, her hands holding his as she looked him straight in the eye. "I get that you're going through a lot right now Blaine-more than I could ever imagine. I don't know exactly what's going on in your brain, but you shouldn't feel uncomfortable for staying here. You need a safe place to call home, and we're more than willing to make this that place for you."

"Rach, I-"

"No thanks necessary," she said, silencing him. "Now, go hang up your towels in my bathroom so you stop stealing my pink ones," she added with a grin, handing him a stack of new blue ones. "I'm sure you look cute all wrapped up in a giant pink towel, but I'd like them back." He rolled his eyes but did as he was told, leaving Rachel to put up a few more homey touches in his room.

By the time everything was unloaded an hour or so later, the room did feel a little bit more comfortable. He thought that maybe he'd actually be able to fall asleep in there without beating himself up for wanting to sleep in Rachel's bed.

* * *

><p>"So, I was thinking," Rachel started as she perused a take-out menu, "that we order food in and continue Friends. We're almost to season four now," she smiled, and Blaine bit his lip, wanting nothing more than to do just that.<p>

"Is Finn really going to be happy about you skipping out on two Saturdays in a row?" he finally asked, feeling slightly guilty for hogging Finn's girlfriend. Though whether it was the spending more time with her than Finn did or the fact that Finn might not like how much time Blaine and Rachel were spending together that made him feel guilty, he wasn't sure about.

"Finn is busy spending his Saturday with Kurt," Rachel said, turning her attention back to the piece of paper in her hand. "Something about needing to cheer him up from a fight the two of you had." Blaine shifted, guilty. "Which you can fill me on in after we eat," she added, smiling at him once more, and he just nodded, watching as she grabbed the phone to place the order.

* * *

><p>"So," Rachel said after four episodes and more food than either of them had planned on eating. "What happened with you and Kurt?"<p>

"We got into a fight," Blaine frowned, and when he realized she wasn't going to prod him into talking, he decided to take a chance and just vent to her without provocation. "It's just, he's made himself the victim in this whole situation, and I was tired of it, and I snapped."

"You're not allowed to snap at Kurt," Rachel half-joked, and having been on the receiving end of Kurt's wrath more than enough Blaine was sure she knew exactly what it was like.

"Yeah, well, maybe he shouldn't make everything about himself," Blaine complained, his tone harsh. He regretted the decision the moment the words left his mouth and he glanced at Rachel, unsure of how she'd take that. "Sorry, I'm just-"

"You don't have to keep apologizing for everything Blaine," Rachel reassured him. "You're under a lot of stress. I understand."

"Thanks." He was quiet for a minute, planning on turning his attention back to the show until he realized Rachel was looking at him again, waiting for him to finish his story. "Oh, well, we just kind of-screamed at each other. He's still mad that I chose to come here instead of to him, and I said I needed someone to talk to and it clearly wasn't going to be him. And he got mad and stormed off."

Rachel's eyes were wide, clearly shocked by his story. "He's still mad that you came here instead of his house? It wasn't like you were choosing me over him or anything," she said, her voice smaller than Blaine was used to.

"It's Kurt. He's just overreacting."

She pursed her lips, turning her attention to the television screen where the fictional Rachel was chasing Ross around a sandy beach house, threatening to paint his nails. He almost jumped when she spoke again, "So where does that leave you two?" she asked, her voice quiet, and Blaine couldn't think of an answer besides to shrug.

"Honestly? I have no idea," he replied, watching her closely as she nodded before curling up into a small ball, leaning against him once more. He had the strangest feeling, that maybe perhaps there was more to that question than its surface meaning, but he was sure he and Rachel had moved on from their fleeting attempt at dating.

Glancing at her again, her eyes distant and not focused on the television as she mashed on her bottom lip, he realized maybe they hadn't gotten as over it as he had previously thought.


	6. Lie To The Truth

"I'm sorry," Kurt blurted out as soon as Blaine opened the front door the next day. Rachel had fled early in the morning for a day with Finn, and her fathers were off in some other city for a play or something. Blaine hadn't been paying too much attention, having been mostly asleep when Rachel came in to tell him what was happening.

"You're sorry?" Blaine asked, crossing his arms and shifting on his feet.

"You were right," Kurt said, pushing past Blaine and letting himself into the Berry house, heading straight for the living room as Blaine closed the front door before following. "I was being selfish, and I wasn't looking past the you choosing Rachel part of it. I was focusing on myself, and you've been here all alone with no one to talk to, and I'm so sorry," Kurt ranted, pacing through the room. Blaine was half amused and half annoyed, trying to push away the thoughts that even when Kurt was _trying _not to be self-centered, he still was. But Blaine didn't want anymore stress, didn't need anymore fighting. So he felt like pointing out that he _did _have someone to talk to, and had been talking to, would be counter-productive.

Instead he pasted a smile on his face and nodded, saying a quick 'Thank you' before Kurt practically flung his arms around Blaine. Blaine nearly fell over but managed to steady himself against the door next to him, his hands falling to Kurt's waist naturally. "No more fighting, okay?" Kurt asked, pressing his forehead to Blaine's.

"No more fighting."

* * *

><p>Their agreement to put things aside lasted all of two days, when Rachel accidentally walked in on them making out, fumbling a quick "Sorry!" as she shielded her eyes and ran back down the stairs, Kurt looking far more annoyed than was necessary.<p>

"Kurt?" Blaine asked softly, really hoping this wasn't going to cause another blow out. The last thing he wanted was to come between the two, and yet he had a feeling he was more and more.

"I just don't see why she didn't _knock_," Kurt seethed, straightening his shirt out as he stomped over to a mirror, trying to fix his hair.

"She probably did," Blaine pointed out, checking his phone to see what time it was. "It's not like either of us were paying too much attention for her."

"Because she wasn't supposed to be around this afternoon," Kurt pouted. "You _said _she had plans this afternoon."

Blaine shrugged, watching as Kurt continued his attempt at fixing his hair. "She said she had plans to meet up with Finn," he told him. "I didn't ask her specifics." Kurt whirled around, staring Blaine in the face.

"Finn is out of town," Kurt said evenly, and Blaine raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean he's out of town?"

"He has an interview about a scholarship to Ohio, so him and Carole are spending the night in Columbus. They left this morning." Kurt's mouth spread to a thin line, and Blaine looked towards the door where Rachel had ran away only moments previously. It wasn't like she had a reason to lie to him, so why would she have?

"That's weird," Blaine muttered, and Kurt shook his head.

"Not for Rachel Berry. Call Puckerman, see where he's been all afternoon," Kurt said quickly, lunging for his phone before Blaine could snap it back.

"And do what? Ask if he's been with Rachel? Even if they spent time together, it doesn't mean they did anything," Blaine reminded, feeling oddly defensive for Rachel, despite her lie. She had still been good to him, taken him in when he had nowhere else to go, let him vent his frustration, and he figured if she lied, she had a good reason.

"You don't understand Blaine," Kurt retorted, reaching for his phone again as Blaine retreated off the bed, hiding it behind his back as he leaned against the wall. "Whenever Finn and Rachel start fighting, they end up cheating on each other. If not physically, although in Rachel's case it normally is, emotionally. Finn will decide to go back to Quinn, again, and Rachel will make out with Puck, again, because it's what'll hurt the other the most."

"They're fighting?" Blaine asked, so startled at that simple statement that the rest seemed irrelevant. Maybe he should have been more worried that Rachel had given up her Saturday's for him, but he honestly thought she was just trying to be a good friend. He wondered if his problems helped serve as a reason for her not to spend time with Finn.

"You didn't notice?" Kurt asked, finally snatching his phone back and flipping through his contacts. "I can't remember it ever getting this bad, even after last year when she found out he slept with Santana and she made out with Puck in retaliation."

Blaine had been around when all that happened, though at the time he had heard it all as second hand information from Kurt while they were at Dalton. He hadn't yet met Rachel or Finn, didn't know who Puck or Santana were. He got so lost in his thoughts of how he didn't see Rachel and Finn drifting that it took him a second for Kurt's words to reach his brain. "It's a simple question Puckerman, did you or did you not make out with Berry this afternoon?"

"I really don't think this is any of your-" Blaine tried, but Kurt just clamped a hand over his mouth and glared while listening to the other end.

"And at any point in time, was there any touching?" Kurt asked, Blaine rolling his eyes back in his head, ignoring the jolt in his stomach as an image of Rachel and Puck rolling around on her bed ran through his mind. "Well, good. Because I don't want to listen to Finn bitch and whine for the next five months about how you two fucked him over again." Blaine heard Puck argue with some statement, but could tell Kurt had already checked out of the conversation. "Okay, bye."

"So they didn't make out?" Blaine smirked, Kurt narrowing his eyes in his direction.

"Why are you automatically on her side?"

"Because she's my _friend_?" Blaine defended, as if it was the most obvious solution.

"So is Finn," Kurt replied. "And Finn is _your boyfriends_ brother."

"And I'm living in _Rachel's _house," Blaine argued back. "So unless she really fucks up, yeah, I'm probably going to take her side." Kurt seemed ready to snap back, the only thing stopping him was Rachel calling their names from downstairs.

"Kurt? Blaine? Guys?" she yelled, clearly trying to give them space while trying to get their attention.

"I think we're done here," Kurt stated thinly, walking down the stairs. Blaine wasn't sure how Kurt had meant that, whether they were done for the day or they were _done _done, but he wasn't sure he wanted the answer.

When he heard Kurt snap "Stop cheating on Finn," before slamming the front door closed, Blaine knew it was time to put his issues aside as he raced down the stairs to comfort Rachel.

* * *

><p>"If you're not cheating, then why would you lie?" Blaine asked for approximately the umpteenth time in four hours.<p>

"Because, this morning when I told you I was going to spend time with Finn, I didn't think it was a lie. I forgot he had his interview," she explained once more. But something still didn't add up to him, Rachel didn't just _forget _when people had things. He had a dentist appointment three months ago and she had to be the one to remind Kurt why Blaine wasn't in Glee that afternoon. There was no way she had forgotten about an interview for her boyfriends future.

"Why didn't you just correct yourself when you did remember?" Rachel shrugged, curling up tighter under the blankets on her side of the couch. Blaine was trying to ignore how weird it felt to be on the same couch as her and not have her be so close to him they were touching, but it was harder when she moved around and reminded him of the fact that she was farther away than normal.

"I didn't think it was important Blaine," she replied, her voice wary and exhausted. He had noticed when they were eating dinner how exhausted she looked, her hair not nearly as straight and shiny as normal. He felt bad for being so wrapped up in himself that he hadn't even noticed, the few nights he had slipped into her bed she had slept fine. "I figured I would spend some time rehearsing with Noah for a duet we want to perform for the Glee club, _as friends_, and then I would come home. That's all there was to it."

"Still," Blaine muttered, but she ignored him and didn't talk. A few moments later her phone rang and she sighed, answering it tersely as she got off the couch, heading for the stairs to her room.

"Hello?" she said, and Blaine almost shivered at how cold her tone was, glad he wasn't on the receiving end of it. "Are you going to let me explain myself?" she started, her voice trailing after her. He could only assume she was on the phone with Finn, that Kurt had told on her like they were children, and that they would be fighting. He glanced at the ceiling, knowing that above him the only person who had really been there for him probably needed a hand to hold, but instead he moved down to the basement, feeling the smarter decision was probably to stay farther away from her.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until later that night when he was tossing and turning that she crept into his room, quietly whispering for him to shush so his alarmed tone wouldn't wake her dads as she slipped under the covers. He moved over, letting her have room, and she only moved closer to him, curling as close as she could to him.<p>

"What's wrong?" he whispered, stroking her hair when he realized she was crying.

"Finn broke up with me. For good."


	7. Harder To Breathe

Rachel didn't tell him anything more, regardless of his questioning. It took her awhile, but she eventually fell asleep, and Blaine was left to his own thoughts. He had no idea what had happened, and could only assume that Kurt had manage to have his hand in this. Though if Rachel wasn't lying, and nothing really had happened between her and Puck, he wasn't sure why Finn wouldn't believe Rachel.

She snuggled in closer to him, her hands still gripping the front of his shirt, frowning even in her sleep. He didn't know what to do, couldn't figure out how they had gotten to this point. Rachel, who was so sure of everything and strong, reduced to tears over a boy who had made his fair share of mistakes towards her. Blaine, who tried so hard to be the picture of perfection to his parents, intelligent and involved in extracurriculars, kicked out of his family just for his sexuality.

They made quite a pair he figured. To everyone else, they were the confident and strong. But at the end of the day, he was coming to the realization, maybe they really only had each other.

It didn't take too long for him to sleep, he was always more comforted when Rachel was around. He rested a hand on her waist, fighting a small smile when her leg wrapped around his own to move even closer to him.

When he woke up the next morning, she was already gone.

* * *

><p>"Told you," Kurt stated as he walked over to Blaine's locker before lunch that afternoon.<p>

"Told me what?" Blaine replied warily.

"That Rachel was cheating," Kurt answered simply, shrugging as he glanced over at where Finn was standing by his locker.

"She wasn't cheating Kurt," Blaine snapped, getting frustrated with his boyfriend once more. "And if this was because of you, if you ruined your _best friends_relationship because of an error she made over a year ago, you haven't grown as much as you say you have."

"So you're taking her side then," Kurt demanded.

Blaine didn't even hesitate as he slammed his locker shut. "Yes," he said firmly, walking away without waiting for Kurt to follow.

* * *

><p>"Why aren't you with Kurt?" Rachel asked when Blaine slid into the empty seat next to her a few minutes later.<p>

"Fight," Blaine replied.

"Again?" She asked, her tone concerned. He realized that maybe she was more worried about his own relationship than he was, and guilt starting to gather in his stomach, threatening to tear him apart even more.

"More like, a continuation," he finally responded after a moment.

"You two have got to stop this fighting," she said, her voice soft as she rested a hand on top of his. He felt as if there was an electricity running through them he hadn't noticed before, though if she also sensed it she didn't let on. "You have so much going on without drama between the two of you as well."

Blaine nodded, knowing she was right. "It's just...complicated," he finally said, stealing one of her carrots. "Every time I think we move on from this subject, something new happens and Kurt, well he's insecure all over again. And I'm tired of fighting and reassuring and fighting all over again."

Rachel bit her lip, and he fought the impulse to reach out and stop her. "Do you want me to talk to him?" she offered, and he shook his head quickly.

"No, this is my problem, not yours. Besides, aren't you upset with him? He's the one who told Finn you spent the afternoon with Puck."

"No," she shrugged. "Finn and I had a lot more problems than just my afternoon with Noah. And besides, if Finn can't trust me to spend time with people without thinking I'm cheating, the relationship was far worse off than anything Kurt could have set off."

"Sounds mature," Blaine chuckled, smiling a bit as she rolled her eyes.

"There's only so long you can go around in the same circle before common sense runs you over."

* * *

><p>Blaine was determined to spend the rest of the day focusing on school and getting out without any more drama. He didn't see Kurt for the rest of the day, though he also didn't run into Rachel. He realized he shouldn't be as upset about the latter as he was, and for that reason alone he avoided going back to the house right after school.<p>

Instead he drove back to his old neighborhood, pulling into the driveway of his house when he was sure neither of his parents were home. He didn't expect them to be, it was the middle of the afternoon, but he also hadn't been back to his house in over a week and a half.

He felt like he had been stabbed in the stomach when he realized it had only _been _a week and a half since his father kicked him out, since he had taken solace in the Berry's household. He closed his eyes and remembered to breathe as he got out of the car, walking towards the gate that led to the backyard. There was a stone back there that hid a key to the back door, and when Blaine let himself in the house he nearly collapsed on the kitchen floor.

It wasn't that it was different, it was more that it wasn't. There was still a picture of him from when his mom came to show and tell in kindergarten and he sang in front of people not related to him for the first time, a picture of him, Jeff, Nick and Wes from Dalton, a picture of the three of them at Christmas a few years ago. He looked around before taking all three pictures, sliding them into the pocket of his coat before heading up the stairs, ignoring the living room completely so that the events that had last happened in there wouldn't eat him alive.

He walked past his parents closed bedroom door, his fingers scraping along it as he headed towards his room-his old room now, he figured. He had left in such a haste that things were thrown about, clearly his mom hadn't come in and picked up after him yet. He leaned over to pick up a book that had been thrown in his haste to get important things, putting it down on the desk by his door. His throat felt tight, his eyes prickling as he tried not to cry. This wasn't _his _room anymore, not really. The bed wasn't his to sleep in anymore, the desk wasn't his to study at. Looking around it made him feel empty, broken, like he couldn't breathe.

He sat down on the floor, unable to go any further, holding himself as he let out the sobs that couldn't be contained any longer.

* * *

><p>When he left an hour later, the backseat of his car was packed with things he decided he couldn't leave behind. Books, clothes, photos, pillows and blankets he had had forever were all shoved in as he hid the key once more, leaning against his car as he looked up at the place he used to be able to call home.<p>

He didn't want to say goodbye, but when he glanced at his phone and realized the time, he knew he had to leave.

The last thing he wanted was to face another screaming match with his parents and have them tell him once more what a disappointment he was, how they didn't want him.

* * *

><p>Rachel wasn't at the house when he got back, so he felt free to drop all of his stuff off in what he was supposed to be considering his room in peace without her concern or judgment. He felt horrible and really just wanted to curl up in his favorite blanket and sleep until he had to awake the next morning for school, but when the doorbell rang he assumed he wasn't going to get his wish.<p>

He walked down the stairs slowly, muttering an 'I'm coming' when the doorbell rang again impatiently. He wasn't as surprised as he should have been to find Kurt standing there, arms folded across his chest and a stormy look on his face.

"Yes?" Blaine said, crossing his own arms, mirroring Kurt's facial expression. He didn't expect to find solace in Kurt's arms anymore, had given up on having Kurt understand what it might be like to have a family that isn't accepting and caring.

That didn't make what Kurt said next any easier.

"We're breaking up." he said simply, and Blaine blinked, sure he heard him wrong. "Neither of us want this anymore, we're both turning into people we hate. I'm tired of having to make you choose, and I'm just-I'm done Blaine. We're done." he finished, closing his mouth and hesitating a moment before he walked away, leaving Blaine to stand in the doorway feeling as if he had just been punched in the stomach, with no way to breathe.


	8. Alone

**authors note: **first thing's first, i am a horrible person for not updating for over a week. i am really sorry. life has just been in the way too much, since i got a promotion and work literally 40 hours a week. but that should be getting cut down (to a whopping 38) soon and i'll hopefully be able to update quicker like i used to. i promise, i am not ever going to abandon anything! and i should be updating again within the next couple days :)

* * *

><p>When Rachel came home not even ten minutes later, he was in the middle of the hallway, sitting on the floor trying to hold himself together. He didn't hear her come in the front door only three feet away from him, didn't see her bag fall and clatter all over the floor, didn't even know she was there until she was right <em>there<em>, making sure he was okay.

"Kurt broke up with me," he said miserably, allowing himself to fall onto Rachel's shoulder, her arms wrapping tightly around him. It was almost like he could breathe again with her there, and he wrapped his own arms around her tightly, silently begging her not to leave him too.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until later that night that he really let his mind wander. He realized, as they lay with blankets and limbs intertwined, her hair tickling his arm where her head lay, that he was becoming far too attached to her. She had been so kind, so comforting, there for him whenever he needed her. She had become his staple. The only way he knew how to breathe if something bad happened was if she was there, hand holding his.<p>

The next thing he realized was that maybe some of Kurt's resentment towards her wasn't completely unfounded. Maybe there were more reasons behind his decision to come to the Berry's residence instead of the Hudmel house. Maybe he had never completely worked out his feelings for Rachel before, and now that he was around her so much they were resurfacing.

He knew it was also a possibility that she was the only one to accept him, regardless of what he was or chose to be, that drew him to her.

The only thing he didn't know was how to sort through everything going on in his head.

* * *

><p>When he woke up the next morning, the sun streaming brightly though her windows, he noticed she was still wrapped around him. He was so used to her running off before he woke up that sometimes he was sure he was imagining her there to help keep him calm, but her leg was still resting on top of his, warm and heavy underneath all the blankets.<p>

She stirred a little, and he held his breath, not wanting to wake her up. He didn't know what he'd say when she eventually did, whether she'd ask him how he was feeling or if she'd press for more information about his break up with Kurt. But when she opened her eyes and looked up at him, all she did was mumble a soft "morning" before moving away slowly, retracting her arms and sitting up. He noticed her chewing her lip, and he wanted more than anything to ask her what was wrong, wanted to make her stop doing that because it only made him 9,000 times more curious as to what was going on inside her brain. Instead he quietly swung his legs over the side of her bed, a small wave his only acknowledgment towards her before he went across the room.

Distance was the only thing that could solve his problems. Which was a problem, since they lived together.

* * *

><p>He fought with himself every day as he tried to figure out what it was he was feeling for Rachel. <em>She's a friend, who took you in, and took care of you, when you needed it the most. That's all. <em>But he couldn't shake the feeling that maybe it was more, and when she did things like hold his hand or touch his arm, he started to notice that it almost felt _electrified_, which was definitely not something he felt with Kurt.

And then there was Kurt. Kurt, who was off to the side looking bitter and angry, ignoring both Blaine and Rachel's existence adamantly. Rachel had no idea what it was she did, and Blaine had sat outside her door one night listening as she cried over losing her boyfriend and her best friend in the span of a couple weeks. He had wanted to go in, comfort her as she did to him, but he knew deep down that this was his fault. If he hadn't come to her, she'd still be with Finn. Kurt wouldn't have been so irrationally jealous that he broke up with Blaine and blamed it on Rachel. So he sat, silently, and listened as she tried to explain to Kurt that nothing was going on, that Blaine was a friend, that he was in need. How she had never said a word that Kurt was _living _with Finn, that their parents only ever got together because of some scheme Kurt had to get into Finn's pants in the first place, how they had worked through so much that this shouldn't be how their friendship ended.

By the end of the conversation, Blaine could tell that it was exactly how their friendship was going to end.

He kept his distance from Rachel, as much was possible anyways. She was one of the few who would talk to him, acknowledge him, most had taken Kurt and Finn's side. They were practically ostracized, aside from Sam and Mike, who at least talked to him at school. He didn't spend the night in her room anymore, focused on his studies instead of watching hours of TV with her.

That didn't stop him from thinking about her constantly. If he wasn't thinking about his parents, or Kurt, he was thinking about Rachel. And even if he wasn't_ around _her, he was surrounded by her. He'd hear her singing as she cooked, cleaned, did homework. He'd keep the door to his room-and he was accepting it now, that it was his room-open, seeing the light on in her own. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to figure out exactly what his feelings for her were. He could only make sure he didn't do anything stupid in the meantime.

* * *

><p>"Blanderson!" Santana's voice shot out, startling Blaine out of his intense stare down with the back of his locker.<p>

"Please stop calling me that," he sighed, picking out the book he needed before turning to her. "What do you need?"

"My parents are out of town this weekend, so I'm throwing a party. Normally I'd invite the Cheerios and the football team, but I think the club needs a weekend to loosen up. Besides, this way you and Berry can make out and put the rest of us out of our misery."

"We-what?" Blaine asked, too startled at her words to do much more than gape at her.

"You and girl-hobbit can get your mack on and pretend it's all the wonderful influence of alcohols fault again. Like last year. Except now, Hummel's kicked you to the curb and Hudson's too dumb to realize that he's thrown out his one chance at getting out of Ohio by dumping Rachel, and she's smart enough to realize he's not worth her time."

"You realize you just sort of complimented Rachel?" Blaine asked, his tone amused as he ignored the rest of what she was saying.

"What I _realize_, Shirley Temple" Santana said, hands on her hips as she glared at him, "is that you need a god damn night to fuck up and be irresponsible for once. Let the hair gel fall to the wayside. Shake it up. Make a move on Berry before someone else does so the rest of us don't have to watch as you two pretend to ignore that you blatantly love each other while sabotaging your own relationships anyways."

"We don't love each other," Blaine scoffed, trying to pretend he hadn't spent the past two weeks trying to figure out exactly what Rachel was to him. "And we didn't sabotage our relationships."

"Berry knows she's in love with you Bland, and she sure as hell ruined her own relationship because of it. She's just waiting for you to come around."

"That doesn't even make sense," Blaine replied, shaking his head, trying to get her words to stop spinning in his head.

"The party's 80's themed," Santana said, now clearly bored with the discussion. "Dress appropriately. And no duets this time." She walked away, linking arms with Brittany halfway down the hallway, leaving him to think about everything she had pointed out.

Leave it to Santana Lopez to make him realize he was in love with Rachel.

* * *

><p>"Did you even have to buy anything to wear to this party?" Blaine asked with a grin as Rachel pulled up to Santana's house. She shot him a small glare, but she looked happier than he had seen her in awhile.<p>

"Do you think I just had lime green legwarmers laying around my closet?" she asked, parking behind Finn's truck.

"Honestly? Yes." She let out a laugh, and he felt his stomach do some sort of flopping thing, something that had been happening a lot in the past week since Santana harassed him at his locker. Still, despite what she might have said, he was keeping himself in check at this party. He had already promised he'd be the designated driver, that alcohol wasn't anything he needed and if Rachel wanted to drink he wouldn't hold it against her. She hadn't made up her mind last he checked, but he almost wanted to tell her not to drink, afraid of what would happen if even one of them wasn't sober.

"Well, I assure you I did not. The off the shoulder sweatshirt, however, I did have," she informed him, handing him the car keys as they headed up the sidewalk to the front door.

"So I wasn't completely off base," he teased as Brittany swung the door open, a loud 'hello!' being shouted at them before Santana grabbed their arms and dragged them in the house.

The party was in full swing, though Blaine wasn't surprised. He ignored the cup of beer pressed into his hands, instead passing it off to Puck as they walked past him, Rachel already having downed half her cup. "Go a little slow there," he whispered, his mouth close to her ear, and he could have sworn she shivered at his touch. He ignored it, asking Santana where the kitchen was and grabbing a bottle of water for himself as he settled on a couch to enjoy the surroundings.

Wham! was playing on the stereo, most of the girls in a group dancing and singing along, Rachel among them. Kurt was in the middle of it all too, as was Mike, but Finn and Puck settled themselves on either side of Blaine, just kind of watching in-between sips of whatever it was they were drinking.

"For what it's worth dude, I am sorry your 'rents kicked you out," Puck said after a couple minutes, and Blaine smiled wanly at him.

"Thanks," he said, rethinking his stance on sobriety for the night. They fell back into silence before Quinn ushered Puck away with a waggling finger, drawing him with her to the group of dancers, leaving Finn and Blaine together alone.

"This isn't awkward at all," Blaine muttered quietly, Finn half-chuckling next to him.

"Nah, why would it be awkward? Because the love of my life left me for you?" Finn accused, though his tone was light and airy Blaine tensed at the sentence.

"She didn't leave you for me," Blaine said, his tone quiet in hopes that Finn would keep his voice down too. The last thing he needed was for Finn to attract Rachel's attention, especially if _this _was going to be brought up.

"Except she did. The second you came around, she stopped spending any time with me. Do you think we don't notice the way she looks at you? Or the way you look at her? Fuck, I'm surprised Kurt stayed as long as he did."

"Then why did you tell her you broke up with her over Puck? You clearly aren't mad at him," Blaine shot back, anger starting to boil under his skin.

Finn let out a humorless laugh. "I didn't. I told her hanging out with Puck, alone, in his bedroom, wasn't exactly comforting to me, but having you live across the hall from her was even worse when she's clearly been in love with you. At least since the musical. Jesus, you guys didn't even _have _to act for that."

"That was like, four months ago Finn-" Blaine said, but Finn just snorted.

"So? That makes it better?" Blaine opened his mouth to retort, to mention how even if there was anything between Rachel and him it would only be because he wasn't a total douche to her, but then she appeared, looking more than a little tipsy, completely ignoring Finn's existence as she held out a hand.

"Come dance with me," she slurred, and against his better judgment, he did just that.


	9. Just What I Needed

Blaine shut his brain off and tried to enjoy the party, allowing himself a cup of whatever it was Puck had created in a giant punch bowl. But soon one cup turned to two, which turned to three, and eventually he didn't know who was drunker-him or Rachel.

"You can't leave me here!" she whined when he tried to stop dancing, to go grab some water so at least _one _of them could sober up.

"Rach, Rachel I have to get-water, I need water."

"But Blaine," she pouted, and he was drawn right back to her, sure he heard Mike mutter 'whipped' under his breath. Blaine laughed at him, suddenly finding himself squashed between Rachel and Quinn, letting himself have fun for what felt like the first time in months. He wasn't caring about Kurt's judgmental glare from across the room where he was now joining Finn on the couch, or that Puck kept yelling something that sounded suspiciously like a round up for an orgy, or that Santana was now being a little handsy with him as they all danced. She was right, when she told him he needed a night to loosen up and have fun. That was exactly what he had needed, and it was exactly what he was indulging in.

"Tired," Rachel half sang, half slurred about an hour later. Her cup was still half full, though he also didn't know what number cup she was on as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the couch with her, their friends barely noticing their absence as they continued dancing and singing along to the 80's songs still blasting from the stereo. "So, so tired," she yawned now, curling up against him as his arm automatically wound its way around her shoulders, tugging her in closer.

"You can't really sleep here," Blaine said after a minute when he looked down to see her eyes closed.

"Can too," she retorted, already sounding half asleep.

"Did they put sleeping pills in your drinks?" he joked, taking the cup that was teetering dangerously in her hand and placing it on the floor, thinking maybe a small nap would sober them both up some and then he could bring them home.

It wasn't long before others started sitting down too, couples pairing off and smaller groups of people gossiping quietly amongst themselves. Blaine watched, his eyes half closed, as Santana and Brittany started making out in a corner, Finn, Puck and Kurt all talking adamantly about-well, something. Mike, Tina, Artie and Mercedes were giggling as they passed around a bottle of what looked like tequila, Mercedes putting it on the floor and twirling it around as they all laughed.

Blaine watched the bottle spin around and around on the floor, fighting off nausea as he thought back to another party, not unlike this one. He hadn't known anyone but Kurt at the time, only met some of the others once or twice. When Kurt mentioned that he was going and invited him along, Blaine had no idea what he was in store for, even when Kurt tried to warn him that Rachel was a bit-different.

Once the real alcohol had been opened-and he was still grateful to whoever finally convinced Rachel, though he wasn't sure who that was-he decided to let loose and have fun. It wasn't a Warbler party where even though they were teenagers, it was still a little more high strung than most. Kind of like how Rachel had originally intended her party to go. And when she yelled about spin the bottle, who was he to say no? There were plenty of cute guys in the group, and even the girls were all gorgeous. Of course, he wasn't about to let any of them know that Rachel had caught his eye before, but he had ignored it as a 'she's one of Kurt's closest friends and one of the few I've met' kind of things.

Until they kissed.

Blaine knew it went beyond the alcohol, went beyond the fun of the game. The sparks that she told Kurt about, he had felt them too. But he was scared, and he ran when she gave him the option, and he pushed all thoughts regarding feelings towards Rachel away ever since.

She made a small sigh now, bringing his attention back to her in their present state. If what Santana told him was true, he could kiss her right here and no one would be surprised. Rachel would be happy, Blaine could maybe be happy again, and then-

_And then getting kicked out of your parents, being torn away from them, was all for nothing_.

Blaine left the room before anyone could see how close he was to crying again.

* * *

><p>"Anderson, Berry looks like she's about 30 seconds away from total apocalyptic breakdown, and if you can't come here and stop it I swear to fucking god I will kick your ass!" Santana yelled towards the kitchen where he had taken to hiding for at least 45 minutes now, feeling completely sobered by his thoughts.<p>

"Coming," he muttered, though he dragged his feet more than he would have an hour ago.

"Blaine!" Rachel cried out when she saw him, wrapping herself around him as soon as he walked into the room. "Blaine, Kurt is being really, really mean-"

"Of course he is," Blaine sighed, rubbing her back as he glared in Kurt's direction, Kurt looking a little too smug for Blaine's liking.

"-and I'm still really tired, can you just bring me home?" Blaine nodded, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone as he led her out the door. The sooner they were back at her house, the sooner he could fall asleep until school started on Monday.

* * *

><p>"I think I'm dying," Rachel's voice floated in, half-waking him as she lifted the covers and climbed into the bed beside him.<p>

"You can't always come in here without asking Rach," Blaine mumbled, though he didn't open his eyes and his arm instinctively wove around her.

"Morning," was her only reply as she let out a loud yawn, the scent of lavender and soap enveloping him as he drifted back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Blaine pretended to sleep in as late as was humanly possible, keeping his eyes closed when Rachel eventually gave up and left the room, hearing her sigh of exasperation loud and clear. He knew that Santana was right, that Rachel had feelings more than just friendship for him, he didn't question that. And he knew that he had feelings for her, feelings more than he would have willingly liked to admit.<p>

It wasn't even the fact that he still identified himself as gay, despite his attraction to Rachel, that was stopping him. It wasn't that he was sleeping in her house every night, across the hall from her-or, more often than not, in the same bed as her. It wasn't that their respective relationships had only ended a couple weeks ago. It wasn't any of that.

He couldn't do anything with Rachel without thinking about how if only he had actually dated her the previous year, maybe his parents would still love him.

* * *

><p>"Why are you avoiding me?" Rachel cornered him later that night, and while he denied her with a quick 'I'm not avoiding you,', he refused to look at her. "Yes, you are," she said firmly, shutting his door so her dads wouldn't overhear their conversation. "You've barely talked to me at all since you disappeared at the party last night, and I want to know why."<p>

"It's not important," Blaine said, trying to focus his gaze on the history book on his lap instead of on her, on how angry and upset she looked with him. This was a girl who had given up nearly everything for him, and he couldn't even _look _at her.

"It is important, it's important if I say it's important!" she said, her voice growing in volume.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said simply, flipping a page to make it look as if he was reading, but the words were all blending together in a blur in front of him.

"Did I do something? Did I-did I do something wrong?" She asked so quietly he was sure he had made it up, finally looking up at her and watching as her eyes widened, watering as tears threatened to leak out of them.

"No!" he said, jumping up and across the room before he could stop himself, pulling her into his arms and hugging her. It was almost second nature to him now, to immediately comfort her when she was upset. "You didn't-it's me, and it's my own bullshit, and I don't want to drag you into it," he promised.

"I think it's a little late for that," she said with a small chuckle, trying to stop herself from crying.

"I guess that's true," he agreed.

"So tell me, please," she pleaded, looking up at him with the saddest expression he had ever seen in his life. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, than to wipe away any sadness she experienced and give her nothing but happiness. He diverted his gaze to the ceiling, practically gulping for air as he tried to figure out what to do. It was so hard to remember all the reasons he couldn't be with her when she was right there, fitting so perfectly in his arms, so warm and soft in his hands. "Is it about Kurt?" she asked after a moment, and he shook his head, Kurt was the furthest thing from his mind. "Is it your parents?" she questioned, pressing to find out what it was, and the feeling of inadequacy and horrible depression swept back over him, causing him to close his eyes to steel himself from the onslaught of fresh hurt that washed over him every time he thought about how fucked up he had made everything. "I know you miss them Blaine," she continued quietly, even though he didn't answer her. He suspected she knew what he was thinking regardless if he said it aloud, which was both a blessing and a curse. "I wish I could have fixed it for you, I wish I _could _fix it for you."

Blaine bit back the harsh words that threatened to leak out, the _why didn't you fight harder to insist there was something between us? Why didn't you clue me in to this so long ago, so I could have avoided all this? Why did you let me get together with Kurt? _Because hurting her wasn't going to make him feel any better, he knew it would only make things worse. His pain might have been his own, but her pain was also his. He couldn't yell at her and upset her without upsetting himself, regardless of how good it might feel for a few minutes.

"I wish there was something I could do," she said quietly, unaware of his internal anger. He looked at her face, so trusting and even though she looked sad at their conversation, he could see the happiness in the back of her eyes, see how content she really was to just be there with _him_. It was startling, and scary, and comforting, and he felt more at ease in that moment than he ever did in his relationship with Kurt, and without uttering a word he brought her face to his own, kissing her gently to make sure it was okay. When she kissed back, he pushed for more, shutting off rational thought completely as his hands gripped her hips tightly. He pushed her backwards against the wall of his bedroom, eliciting a small gasp as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her tongue grazing along his own as he deepened their kiss, a hand sliding just underneath her shirt and feeling the heat of her bare skin on her back, pushing her closer to him.

It wasn't until his phone rang that his he snapped back to his senses, everything falling back into place as their bubble broke. He dropped his hands and backed away from Rachel, unable to speak or explain himself before she practically ran across the hall to her own room. When he heard her lock slide into place, he fell to the floor, head in his hands, and tried to figure out how he had even managed to fuck things over with the one person who had been there for him through everything else.


	10. The Way I Am

Blaine knew that he had to talk to Rachel, to tell her what was going on his mind-he had been avoiding her for so long, avoiding dumping everything on her, when that was exactly what needed to happen. She had helped him with so much, she was the only one who could help him with this too.

"Rachel," he said, quietly knocking on her door so her dad's wouldn't awake. "Rachel, please come talk to me."

She came to the door, looking as if she was wiping away a tear, and folded her arms across her chest. "What?" she said sharply, and he felt like he was being stabbed in the chest.

"Just, please, hear me out?" he whispered, and though she glared she nodded, passing by him and heading for the kitchen, Blaine trotting after her. "What I did-I didn't, fuck, Rachel, I'm sorry," he blurted out. She didn't say anything, continuing to sit there quietly while he tried to figure out all the words he needed to get out. "It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss you, because I did, I do, it's just," he let out a deep sigh, and he chanced a look at her. Her face had softened a little, though she still had her guard up. "I'm such a mess right now. Between everything that's happened with my parents, and then realizing everything that I feel for you-"

"I get it Blaine," she said quietly, though she still looked sad. "Your parents kicked you out because you were dating a boy, and now you have feelings for a girl. You don't want to feel like if this had only happened two months ago, things could have ended up differently." Blaine nodded, grabbing her hands. He was so glad she understood, relieved that she knew what was going on with him without making him verbalize it. "But you can't just go around kissing me like that, it can't happen again. It just confuses me, and Blaine-everything is already so confusing, I can't handle any more than you can at this point."

"I know," he frowned, his hand reaching out and stroking her cheek gently of its own accord. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I just can't seem to stop myself. I want you Rachel, and I want to _be _with you, but I can't, not until-"

"We both have things to figure out Blaine," she told him quietly. She cleared her throat, standing up before Blaine told her to sit back down.

"What do you need? Please, I'll get it for you, just tell me," he said, trying to make amends any way he could. She offered him a small smile before asking for a glass of water, and he immediately retreated to the cupboards to grab a glass and fill it, handing it to her quickly.

She raised an eyebrow as he handed her the cup-he had chosen it due to the large gold star on the side, figuring it would cheer her up- but she took a sip of it regardless. "Is there something _wrong _with that cup?" he asked, a slight mocking tone in his voice as she let out a small laugh in return.

"No, no, it's just funny-I don't even think you know anything of it, but this is the cup that my mom gave to me."

"Your mom gave you a cup?" Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow at her now.

Rachel nodded. "When I first met her, two years ago, she asked me how I was feeling about everything. I said I was thirsty, because when I was younger my dads used to give me a cup of water anytime I was upset, and now I can't tell if I'm sad or thirsty. So when Shelby came by to-"

"Wait," Blaine interrupted, his brain connecting dots he had barely acknowledged before, "_Ms. Corcoran_ Shelby?" Rachel nodded, and Blaine let out a low whistle. He had thought the resemblance between the two was a little weird, but as he never spent much time with Ms. Corcoran he never put two and two together.

"Anyways, when she came to say that she didn't actually want a relationship with me, after everything she went through to get one-including starting the Jesse saga round one-she gave me this cup, and said the next time I was sad or thirsty, to use it."

"I had no idea," Blaine said, realizing once again how little the two really knew each other's pasts.

"I know, that's why I thought it was funny. Here we are, having this emotional moment, and you choose the one cup that has other emotional significance towards it." He heard the weight of what she was saying, heard the words behind the words in a way that others-Finn, Puck, even Jesse-might not have. He knew her even without knowing specific details, which is why it was only a matter of time for them to be together. They both knew it now, it was only a matter of him figuring out all his own shit.

* * *

><p>They both headed back to their bedrooms a little while later, Blaine feeling like less of an asshole as he squeezed her hand before disappearing into his own room. They had come to certain rules, like that they wouldn't crawl into each other's beds anymore, regardless of how upset they might have been. And that there would be no more kissing, not until everything was settled down. Blaine had to admit that rule had particularly pained him, because kissing Rachel was like a drug for him. Once he did it, he couldn't wait to do it again. How he had the willpower the previous winter to reject her in the Lima Bean, he had no idea, but he knew that if he could do it then he could do it again now.<p>

He went to set his alarm for the next day, not even remembering that his phone ringing was what had brought them back to earth, startled to see a missed call.

He was even more startled to see that it was from his parents' house.

His hand started shaking, and he realized he was having trouble breathing as he stared at the familiar number under his missed calls. There was a voicemail attached, and he was torn between deleting it, or saving it for morning, or getting it over with. He wasn't sure why this had him nearly breaking out in hives, except that regardless of how much he missed them, he was sure his parents had fully disconnected him from their life. They were now childless, and he was now parentless, but then there was a _message_, and he stared at his phone in confusion until he heard Rachel appear in his doorway again.

"Tomorrow do you-Blaine? What's going on?" she asked, her eyes filling with worry quickly, though he could barely see as his own filled with tears, holding out his phone for her to see for herself. "Have you listened yet?" she asked softly, sitting down on the bed beside him. He shook his head no, and she nodded, stroking his leg softly. "Do you want to listen to it right now?"

"I don't know," he choked out, and she sighed, letting him rest on her shoulder as she put the phone down, rubbing his shoulders.

"Maybe it's a good thing they tried to call," she whispered, "maybe they realized that they love you regardless of your sexual preference. Maybe they realized that you're a great guy Blaine, and a wonderful son, who has done nothing wrong."

He shook his head, not wanting to hear her words, knowing they were more than likely false. "Delete it," he said, and when she went to argue his statement, he reached for his phone, deleting the missed call and the voicemail without listening to it.

"Oh Blaine," she said quietly, and he just shook his head, steadying himself now.

"No," he said. "No, if they wanted me they should have tried more than once to call." He didn't say anything else, falling back on the bed, and she grabbed a blanket and threw it over him, and despite their agreement she turned the light off and curled up next to him, whispering soothing words until they both fell asleep.

* * *

><p>"You look like crap," Mike said the next day at school when Blaine saw him before lunch.<p>

"Thanks," Blaine smirked, rolling his eyes as he threw his books in his locker. "So great to see you too."

"What the hell happened to you? Did you get any sleep this weekend?" Blaine shrugged, what little sleep he had gotten wasn't exactly restful, and by the time Rachel woke up for school that morning Blaine had already been awake for at least an hour.

"Not really," he admitted. "How was the rest of the party?"

"After you and Rachel left everyone else kind of split off, though I think I heard someone talking about how Kurt, Finn and Puck were throwing things off Santana's back porch. Tina and I left not too long after you guys did." Blaine nodded as they grabbed food before finding a quiet place to eat, walking past the table with Kurt and Mercedes without a word. "Speaking of you and Rachel," Mike said as they sat down, waiting for Blaine to jump in.

"Don't ask," Blaine muttered, but of course Mike just asked again. "Things are weird, okay?"

"Weird how? Weird like, 'hey! You're a girl and I totally want to hook up with you!'? Or weird like 'hey! I'm living across the hall from you, how will we ever get rid of all this obvious sexual tension!'?" Mike chuckled, throwing a French fry in Blaine's direction.

Blaine just rolled his eyes, choosing to ignore both options. "More like 'hey, I just got kicked out for being gay and now I like a girl!' weird," Blaine explained, and Mike nodded, taking it in.

"Well, since you've had eyes for her since before any of the shit with your parents built up, I can safely assume this isn't just a way to get back into your parents," Mike finally said, Blaine rolling his eyes at the accusation. "But honestly, if it came down to it and your parents found out about Rachel, would their approval of her over Kurt really matter that much to you?"

Blaine stared blankly, the thought never having occurred to him. "I don't know," he said honestly, and Mike went back to silently eating his food while Blaine tried to figure out if it would. He wanted his parents to love him, and care for him, and approve of him, but would their approval of Rachel really solve anything? Would they think he had just started dating her to get them to love him again? Mike had opened up a whole new world of things Blaine had never even _considered_, and now he felt like he was drowning in confusion even more.

* * *

><p>"Now, the dance steps for this number are relatively easy," Mr. Schuester went on as they tried, one more time, to learn the choreography for a new number they were planning on using for their next competition. Blaine found himself missing the Warbler's more often than not when it came time to watch as Finn tried to dance, though this number was led by Blaine so he had his own choreography to learn apart from theirs.<p>

"Ouch!" Quinn yelled, Finn apologizing quickly as she glared at him, rubbing her foot that he had obviously just stepped on.

"Amateurs," Blaine heard Rachel mumble next to him, running through the dance moves perfectly on her own while the rest of the club crowded around Quinn to make sure she was okay. He chuckled a little, going back to watching as the rest reassembled in their proper position, Mr. Schuester trying to correct Finn's moves before they continued on.

Blaine's phone went off from his bag across the room, and he walked over towards it, hesitant ever since he had noticed the call last night. When he picked it up, he saw that it was his parents' number again, and with a gulp and a glance to Rachel-who, for her part-had stopped dancing to make sure he was okay, he answered, ducking out into the hallway.

"Hello?"


	11. Back At Your Door

Blaine ducked out of the room, heading for the quiet of the empty hallways when his moms voice answered him. "Blaine, I think we need to talk."

He closed his eyes, sliding down the wall. He didn't know whether to cherish or hate his moms voice, but he figured he might as well go along with whatever it was she wanted for now. "We could talk any time you wanted if you didn't kick me out of the house and basically _disown _me," Blaine said, his tone airy and heavy all at once. He looked up to see Rachel slipping out of the choir room, shutting the door silently behind her as she walked towards him, a worried expression coloring her face.

"Blaine, now, let's be reasonable-" his mom stated on the other line, his attention diverted back to the matter at hand as Rachel sat next to him, silently taking his hand in her own and letting him talk.

"Reasonable? Mom, you said you'd rather you didn't have a _son_, how is that reasonable?" he shot back without thinking, all his normal behavior towards adults leaving when he thought about all they had put him through. Respect was something she had lost the second she let Blaine drive away.

"I was upset, honey, and your father had had enough of this silly phase and we wanted to see if you'd learn your lesson by now. We didn't think you'd really stay gone," she said, as if that explained everything. He felt Rachel's hand squeeze his own, clearly overhearing his mother's words, as he tried to process them on his own. It seemed impossible that this was the same woman who raised him, who taught him piano when he was a kid, who made him his favorite meal every year on his birthday.

"Silly phase?" he said quietly, because really, this was it right here for him. If the only way they would love him was if he was in a straight relationship, if the only way he could get their approval was by being 100% heterosexual, than no-he didn't want them. Mike's question was a lot more answerable than he had thought.

"Well, yes, we know that sometimes people get a little crazy and experiment, and while this is normally a college activity, you were always ahead of the times." She let out a trill laugh, and it made Blaine's stomach churn, sure he was going to be sick.

"It's not a phase," he said quietly, trying to remember how to breathe, Rachel's arm wrapping around him comfortingly, "Mom, I'm gay, which means I'm going to date boys for the rest of my life. And if you and dad can't love that-"

"Are you saying it's impossible for you to fall in love with a girl and lead a normal life Blaine?" His mother interrupted. "All we ever wanted was for you to be happy, and normal, and get married and settle down and have kids of your own one day."

"But only if it's with a girl," Blaine stated, ignoring that he was in love with a girl, because that was irrelevant at this point.

"Well, yes," his mother answered.

"What was the point of this phone call mother?" he asked after a moment, trying to calm himself down. Rachel's hand was still rubbing his back gently, keeping him steady, her gaze holding steady on his face as he talked.

"I want you to come home Blaine, it's time for you to come back now. It's been nearly a month, can't you see that you need to come back?"

"You only want me if I'm straight," he hissed, "and guess what mom? I'm not. I'm never going to be. I'm gay, and that's not going to change because you and dad don't acknowledge me anymore."

"I know you came home one afternoon and took more of your stuff."

"I wasn't going to make the people I'm staying with buy me everything," Blaine said warily.

"Who are you staying with? Your boyfriend?"

"No, actually, we broke up. Because of you." It wasn't entirely the truth, but it wasn't entirely false either. If his parents had never kicked him out, none of the rest of this would have happened-or at least, not in the way that it unfolded. His feelings for Rachel would have come out eventually, probably, but it felt nice to lay blame on his mom now. "All I ever wanted was for you and dad to accept me, for who I am, regardless of who I fall in love with and who I am attracted to. You're supposed to love your kid no matter what, and you just turned the other way when dad threw me out, you didn't fight for me, you don't care. This is because everyone's starting to judge you now, isn't it? People have figured out I didn't go back to Dalton? Well fuck you mom, you deserve whatever you have coming to you for treating your only son like he doesn't even exist," Blaine snapped, letting all his anger out in one long winded rant before hanging up the phone and taking a few deep breaths.

"Blaine-" Rachel said quietly, but he just smiled at her, feeling weirdly at peace as he slid the phone back into his pocket.

"Ready to go back to practice?" he said, standing up and grabbing her hand, pulling her up with him.

"Blaine, we should talk about all this," she said, but he just shook his head, kissing her forehead.

"No, I'm good, let's go. God knows they need our talent in there," he added with a wink, heading back for the choir room, leaving Rachel and her disapproving glare behind.

* * *

><p>Rachel tried to corner him for the rest of the afternoon, but Blaine threw himself into rehearsal. She kept glaring at him, but he let Mike get between them when they had breaks, conversing as if nothing had happened.<p>

It wasn't that he was avoiding the phone call, so much as he just needed space, and while he was glad Rachel had been there-he didn't know how he would have gotten through that if she wasn't there, he wasn't sure how he'd get through anything without her there-he needed time to sort out where this left him.

When Mr. Schuester finally let them all out, everyone grumbling about the dance routine and all the homework they had ahead of them that night, Blaine slipped out the door before Rachel could catch up with him, getting in his car and heading towards his old neighborhood once more. He wasn't going to go in, just kind of drive by and see his house one last time. He knew there was no going back, that much had been finalized when he told his mother to fuck off, but he needed to solidify it in his head.

He parked across the street, sure that if someone was home they could have seen him, but the driveway was empty and the house was dark. He stared at the house, at the window that used to lead into his bedroom. He wondered what they'd do with it, if he ever found out how bad it would hurt. He wondered if they'd bother putting up Christmas decorations next year, his father always complained that they were gaudy, his mom always saying she only put them up because Blaine loved them so. He wouldn't know, wasn't going to ever get to know. It wasn't his home anymore, they weren't his parents. They might have given him life, and they might have raised him, but they didn't love him the way a parent was supposed to. They didn't love him unconditionally, regardless of any faults or 'inadequacies' they might have seen in him.

He frowned, imagining taking Rachel there, letting her meet his parents. He could picture how his mom would dote on her, telling her how lovely her dress was while her father listened to her talk about Broadway dreams. Of course he'd scoff later, saying that dreams like that were impractical, but he'd like her well enough because she was a _girl_. They had only met Kurt once, barely at that. They didn't care to, didn't want to know him. But they would have invited Rachel over for dinner, insisted she come with the family when they went to events together. They would have clung to her like saran wrap, hoping she never left Blaine's side lest he 'turn gay' again in her absence.

His phone rang in his car, and he reached for it quickly, smiling a little when he saw Rachel's name pop up. "I was just thinking about you," he said casually when he answered, leaning against his car and continuing to stare up at his old house.

"Was it about how you're scaring the hell out of me Blaine Anderson? Where the hell are you?" His small smile grew when he realized she was _worried _about him, and with one last glance he headed around for the drivers side door, getting in quickly.

"I just had to do something real quick," he promised. "I'm on my way home right now."

* * *

><p><strong>authors note: <strong>okay, so, quick thing: yes, this story is coming to a close soon. i suspect one, maybe two more chapters total. second of all; i probably won't be updating as much soon because NaNoWriMo, but as soon as i finish that i'm sure i'll be back updating constantly. who knows, maybe i'll update during nanowrimo. i just wanted to say don't forget about me if i disappear for a little while.


	12. Breathe Again

**authors note: **i was going to update this two days ago but then we lost power and hahaha i still don't have power i had to come to the mall and they have INTERNET and you don't know how happy that makes me. regardless, here's the final chapter. i'm not sure when i'll be writing more fic, between no power for up to a week (we're on day 3 now-woooo) and NaNoWriMo, but i'll be back. i promise. i still love you all.

* * *

><p>"You said home," Rachel said out of nowhere once they had settled in on the couch, a disc of <em>Friends <em>playing while they worked on their own homework.

"What?" Blaine asked distractedly, busy trying to figure out his homework assignment.

"When you answered your phone, and I asked where you were. You said you were on your way home," Rachel replied quietly. He looked up at her, nodding.

"Well, I was," he told her simply, frowning a little as he watched her lip disappear between her teeth. "You need to stop gnawing on your lip Rach," he said, giving in to the impulse as he leaned over to pluck it out with his thumb. "One of these days you're going to chew it right off."

She gave him a weird look but turned back to her own homework, singing along to the theme song quietly as he went back to his own. He knew what she had been getting at, he had called _her _house 'home' instead of his old one. But the conversation with his mother earlier settled matters-that was never going to be his home again. The Berry's had accepted him, without question, without judgment, with open arms. They may not have been his family, but they had offered him a home when he had nowhere else to turn to.

* * *

><p>"So I think I'm going to ask Rachel out," Blaine said at lunch the next day. Mike stared at him blankly, waiting for him to continue on. "That was my whole statement, you were supposed to tell me if it's a good idea or not," Blaine finally added.<p>

"Oh," Mike nodded, continuing to eat his food. Blaine sighed in exasperation, and Mike finally cracked a grin. "Well, it's about damn time I suppose. But won't it be a little awkward, given that you live with her?"

"I mean, probably," Blaine shrugged. "But at this point I think it's becoming more awkward that I haven't."

"This is true," Mike agreed. "You guys are basically already dating, hell even Tina complained you two were more of a couple than her and I are these days."

Blaine winced. "That doesn't sound good," he said, but Mike just shrugged.

"She was tired of going to Asian places for dinner again. We're fine." Blaine gave him a look but Mike waved his hand, ignoring Blaine's concern. "So, how are you going to do it?"

"Well, I was going to do this thing called talking," Blaine replied dryly, and Mike rolled his eyes.

"You're just going to be like 'hey Rachel, let's go on a date'? Yeah. That'll go over well."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"Because it's Rachel Berry."

"I'm well aware of who I want to ask out Mike."

"I don't think you are."

"So what do _you _suggest I do then?" Blaine asked, and Mike shrugged.

"Don't ask me. You'll notice I'm one of the few in the club who hasn't asked Rachel out." Blaine groaned in frustration, resting his head on the table.

"She's going to say 'no' isn't she," he complained, and Mike actually snorted in response.

"If she says 'no', I'll give birth to a pony." Blaine peered up at him, but Mike wasn't paying any attention as he went back to his food. "What did you do when you asked out Kurt?"

"I made a huge speech about how he moved me and how I'd been looking for him forever and then we kissed."

"Romantic."

"Over a dead birds casket."

"Less romantic. I'd try and keep dead animals out of it. I still don't think she's over the egging from St. James." Blaine knew Mike had an incredibly valid point, though he had never planned on using animals of any kind. He really just wanted to go up to her, ask her on a date, and have her say yes. "Dude, relax. She's going to say yes, regardless of how you ask her. Just do it."

"Brilliant advice, thanks," he replied sarcastically.

"Do it soon," Mike amended, and Blaine sighed deeply again, trying to figure out if there was some secret code to asking a girl out.

* * *

><p>Blaine spent the rest of the week trying to figure out a good way to go about it. He tried spending time alone with her, but unless they were at home they barely saw each other. And even then, Rachel was under so much school work that he tried to leave her alone.<p>

He was also still trying to get used to the feeling of being abandoned by his parents. The first couple of days he realized he had been in shock, which was why he had been so cavalier about everything. He knew that it wouldn't have lasted forever, but now the numb acceptance that his parents didn't love him was almost worse than the wondering if they'd ever talk to him again. He knew he had to move on with his life, just like he had to move on from Kurt, had to move on from Dalton, had to move on from his schools previous to that. He was getting kind of good at it now, at moving past everything that was thrown at him. He just wished he wouldn't have to be used to something like that.

By the time the weekend arrived, both Rachel and Blaine were more than ready for a break. They spent Friday night lazing around on the couch, avoiding their phones and everyone else as they continued their marathon of _Friends_, talking and laughing. Blaine had been tempted to lean over and kiss her more than once, but restrained himself. He wanted to do it right, wanted to make sure Rachel knew he wanted to date her because he had real feelings for her, not because he thought it would get him back in the good graces of his family, or because he was sick of hearing insults thrown his way. He was still sure he was gay, sure he liked boys, but then Rachel came and turned everything around just by being there.

"I'm going to bed," she said late Friday night, kissing his cheek before disappearing up the stairs, and Blaine sat there smiling like an idiot for almost ten minutes before he realized that he should probably get some sleep too. _Tomorrow_, he told himself. _Tomorrow I will ask her out, come hell or high water._

* * *

><p>When he awoke, Rachel had already left for the day, off on errands or dance classes or whatever it was she did every Saturday afternoon. He spent the day finishing the rest of his homework before settling down to make a plan, trying to figure out exactly what the perfect date was for Rachel. If he could plan the perfect date, he could plan the perfect way to ask her.<p>

Three hours later, he was still drawing a blank. It wasn't that he didn't have any ideas, he had tons, but they all involved things like musicals that would never come _near _Ohio, much less Lima, or being in New York, where he knew she'd rather be anyways. He had tried asking Mike for help again, but Tina had snapped when Blaine called and he decided to leave them be.

He heard Rachel call out from the front door when she came home, and he finally scraped his paper and decided to just wing it. _She'll say yes regardless of how you ask_, Mike's words reminded him.

"Hi!" he said as he entered the kitchen where she was getting a cup of water, still in her dance clothes. "How was your afternoon?"

"Long," she answered simply with a shrug, sitting down and he quickly joined her. "One of the instructors for a younger class was out sick, and no one informed the parents, so I offered to teach it for the day, and it was a lot more work than I had assumed." He nodded, listening to her story.

"Was it at least fun?" he asked, and she nodded.

"They were very energetic, just-very loud," she explained.

Blaine let out a chuckle, "Sounds like you should have fit right in then," he joked, feigning hurt when she shoved him in retaliation.

"I have to go shower," she said after a minute, standing up to leave the room.

"Wait," Blaine said, startling both of them. She turned and looked at him, and he knew, underprepared or not, this was his moment. "Go on a date with me," he blurted out.

She raised an eyebrow, folding her arms as she looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"On a date. You, and me, on a date. Together," he said, throwing words together in any fashion and really praying now that he hadn't been completely off target, that she'd say yes, because he was officially past nervous now.

"Blaine-"

"No, no excuses. This isn't about me trying to get my parents back, or getting back at Kurt and Finn," he said, shushing her before she could make up a reason to say no. "This is about the fact that I'm crazy about you, and that you're the one person whose been there for me throughout everything. How I can't stop thinking about you, Rach, and I just-I was going to plan this whole thing but fuck it. I can't. I can't wait anymore, because I want to be with you."

She didn't say anything, and Blaine felt like his stomach was going to fall out of his body while he waited for her to respond. She stared at him, and he couldn't read her expression, and it was driving him out of his mind. He was sure if she didn't respond in the next 30 seconds he was going to stop breathing. "Rachel?" he finally said, chancing a step towards her. This seemed to snap her back to reality, and she rushed towards him, nearly knocking them both over as she wrapped her arms around his neck, his own instinctually going around her waist as he tried to steady them.

"Yes," she said, kissing the side of his head. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes."

He laughed, exhaling and feeling once more like he could breathe, like everything was finally settling into its place again. And this time, he knew, it wasn't a momentary thing. This time, it was for good.


End file.
